Hickey
by Paint Me a Symphony
Summary: Cuddy finds a hickey on her neck courtesy of her favorite doctor. Established House/Cuddy. #347.


**Hickey**

**Story Title:** Hickey

**Story Summary:** Cuddy finds a hickey on her neck courtesy of her favorite doctor. Established House/Cuddy.

**Genre:** Humor/Romance

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Chapter Focus:** #347 of 1000, "Hickey"

**Chapter Rating:** T for some serious House-like worthy conversations

**Word Count:** 1,400+

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Author's Starting Notes:** I was going through my list with _House_ playing in the background. I spotted theme 347 ("Hickey") and could not help myself. So, courtesy of the Seven Days of Updating, a House/Cuddy dialogue oneshot that happens the morning after. Read and review.

**Time Stamp:** Posted December 29th, 2008

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(#347)**

"What are you doing?"

"Admiring my handiwork."

"Was that just a pun?"

"Seeing as I'm not staring down, I'd say no, Cuddles."

"Then what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Well, you have to be looking at something."

"Just your flawless skin, babe."

"Babe?"

"Yeah, it's like a pet name."

"I'm not a dog, House. I don't want a pet name."

"Can I quote Jagger again?"

"You're asking permission?"

"I have to. I'm sleeping with the boss, wouldn't want to upset her and lose my fun time benefits."

"Your very presence is upsetting."

"And stimulating, if you know what I mean."

"No, I don't."

"…"

"Okay, really, is there something on my neck?"

"No. Nothing."

"I don't believe you."

"Well, you should."

"..."

"Cuddy. Cuddy, get your ass back in this bed!"

"I'm not one of your fellows. You can't order me around. Besides, I just need one second."

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

"Warn me about what?"

"Five, four, three, two-"

"House!"

"Yes, dear?"

"You cannot be serious!"

"I don't know what we're talking about."

"Yes, you do. What the hell were you thinking? I'm the Dean of Medicine. I can't go in looking like this!"

"Everybody already knows you're getting some anyway."

"No, they don't."

"Yeah, they do. Even oblivious Kutner and stoned Thirteen have noticed how much calmer you are. All thanks to my huge, throbbing…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"What? No more?"

"I couldn't think of something other than dick."

"The great Greg House is stumped? I'm shocked."

"No, you're mottled."

"…"

"Ooh, the Cuddy glare, I haven't seen that in… how long ago did we have sex again?"

"Like you could forget. I'm pretty sure you've got every time marked in that mental calendar of yours."

"Yup, along with the day _Charlie's Angels_ came out on DVD, and Clay Aiken finally admitted to being gay."

"You're such an asshole."

"How did that deserve an asshole? I didn't say anything about you and your insanely large ass."

"Fuck you."

"Been there, done that, lost the T-shirt."

"Don't you mean got the T-shirt?"

"No, you got the T-shirt. You stole mine, remember?"

"When did this happen?"

"About a week after you caved in Michigan, three days after Stacy left, four hours after I got my job at PPTH, and during that conference we went to back where you started freaking out in economy."

"Mental calendar."

"Those are only the times I don't remember getting my shirts back. Imagine if I put in all the times I didn't walk out with my wallet, my keys, or something else important."

"Can we not talk about the things you've lost when staying over?"

"Okay, let's talk about the things _you_ lost."

"No, let's talk about the giant red mark on my neck."

"Damn, I was hoping you forgot about that."

"How could I have? When did you give me this?"

"While you were sleeping."

"You suck."

"That's your job. I just move my-"

"House!"

"What? Nobody is here. And, I was just going to say my nametag, from one fellow to another."

"You were not going to say nametag."

"Then what was I going to say?"

"I'm not going to say it."

"Because you know nametag is what I was going to say."

"…. I should get to give you a hickey."

"Hell no."

"Why not? It's not like anybody would care."

"If we walked in with matching hickeys, I'd have to explain to the kids why Mommy and Daddy play together more than Auntie Care-A-Lot and her boy toy."

"Doctors Cameron and Chase are the aunt and uncle?"

"For this metaphor, yes. Jimmy is Godfather."

"So, in the event you or I die, Wilson will take over your fellows?"

"But the devil can't die, and her boyfriend gets a free pass."

"_I_'m the devil?"

"Yes. I was simply helping you reveal your true colors, one patch of red skin at a time."

"You need serious help."

"Nah, a couple of Vicodin, a spy session with Lucas, brunch with Jimmy, and a quickie here is all I need."

"A quickie? Is that all this is?"

"Uhh, not this again."

"Yes this again. You always change your mind every three seconds. Forgive me for bringing it up."

"You're not forgiven. Look, think of this as a two for one special. You put in the time for a quickie and get some playful banter thrown in free."

"Playful banter has always been free."

"Want me to start charging?"

"Will it mean this is more than just the occasional quickie?"

"Occasional? I'm here almost every night."

"And?"

"And that's something, okay? What do you want me to say, Cuddy? That this isn't just a series of quickies, that I'm in love with you and always have been, that I gave you that hickey to mark my territory against that weird guy in Radiology who gapes at your ass like a hungry bear to a basket of fish? Well, I'm not gonna so don't get your hopes up!"

"I love you too, House."

"Whoa, there's the l-word!"

"Isn't that the show you TiVo?"

"I don't watch it!"

"…"

"I skim."

"…"

"It's all the dialogue, I'm telling you."

"Like with _General Hospital_?"

"Now, that's my show."

"I like _Grey's Anatomy_."

"You would."

"What's wrong with _Grey's Anatomy_?"

"What's right? The acting sucks, the plot is faulty, and Patrick Dempsey is just plain ugly. Now, take that one British guy in that movie I saw while I was hiding in the baldy department yesterday and you've got yourself a show."

"British guy in baldy department?"

"You know, that one guy in the movie with the rat."

"_Stuart Little_?"

"That's the one!"

"Are you talking about the dad?"

"Yeah. What's his name?"

"I don't know. Fry or something."

"…. Whatever. Uh, aren't you supposed to be going in today?"

"Alarm set for six."

"It's eight."

"House!"

"Didn't I mention that in order to give you that beauty I needed a little extra time? Your alarm clock is loud, by the way."

"To wake me up!"

"Trust me, nothing can wake you up."

"I'm late. I have never been late once, House."

"Goody-two shoes."

"Dean of Medicine!"

"That is no excuse for being there every day. I order you to take the day off."

"Never."

"Take the day off."

"No."

"Take the damn day off."

"…"

"…"

"On one condition."

"What?"

"I get to mark my territory too."

"You're going to pee on your stoop?"

"…. Okay, where's my purple blouse?"

"…"

"…"

"Fine!"

"Now, I want it where everyone can see it. Hmm, I like right here."

"That's not my neck, Cuddy."

"It's close enough."

"It's my arm!"

"They're connected!"

"You epically fail, you know that?"

"I never fail."

"What about that test in-ow!"

"Stop moving."

"Stop biting."

"That was not a bite."

"That was a bite, Cuddy."

"I apologize."

"You don't mean it!"

"The quicker you shut up, the quicker this will go."

"It hurts."

"Take some Vicodin."

"I can't reach it."

"Its right there!"

"You have my pill-popping arm."

"Even better."

"I hate you."

"Good, hate sex is always fun."

"Wow."

"What?"

"If only you had shown this side of you to the rest of the world."

"My teasing side?"

"No, your back side. That truly is a work of art. Hey baby-"

"Where'd I get my body from?"

"No, your hickey."

"I got it from my _previous_ employee."

"He must be a pretty lucky guy if he's banging you every night."

"Trust me he'll be pretty _un_-lucky if he doesn't just shut up."

"Will his arm be okay?"

"As fine as my neck."

"I'll take that as a no."

"Forget it, I'm going in."

"Good, someone needs to run that crap heap."

"My hospital is-"

"A wonderful institution that is missing its Dean of Medicine?"

"And soon a department."

"They'll know something is up if you dump my department and that attitude in the same week."

"Nothing's up."

"Well, we can't really say that."

"-"

"Ow! I said no biting!"

"Goes faster."

"Don't think I won't-whoa, stop that! Ew, it's all funny looking."

"Payback."

"You know what this means, right?"

"Ten hours extra clinic duty?"

"No. War!"

"House, stay back."

"Here, Cuddy, Cuddy, Cuddy."

"That's a permanent marker."

"I know. Should I put 'House was here', or just go with 'Laid with House-a'?"

"Put that thing on me and I'll fire you!"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"You are _so_ fired! House!"

"Ha. And you thought the hickey was bad!"

**F I N**

**R & R  
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**End Author's Note:** The things part of this chapter:: "'Laid with House-a'" is a spoof of the simple phrase Made in China.

"'Can I quote Jagger again?'" is a reference to when House quoted 'the poet, Jagger' in season one.

"'All thanks to my huge, throbbing…'" is a season five reference for _Lucky Thirteen_, where House said, "When she was with you, she was thinking of my huge, throbbing… diagnostic skills."

"'Hey baby-'

'Where'd I get my body from?'" is off the song _"I Got It From My Mama"_. If you know the song, you probably saw that one already though.

Read and review, please.

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© Everything written above belongs to me (FF user, _Paint Me a Symphony_). If somebody is out there pushing this as their own, they are lying. I may not own _House M.D_, or its characters, but I do sort of kind of own this.


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